


The actual diary of a modern lesbian meeting her soon-to-be-wife

by ListerSisterDiarist



Category: Anne Lister - Fandom, Gentleman Jack (TV), The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister (2010)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2020-10-27 02:15:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20752658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ListerSisterDiarist/pseuds/ListerSisterDiarist
Summary: I'm a huge fan of Gentleman Jack and (of course) Anne Lister. I've also kept a diary since the age that I began writing. I have read some fan fiction on here and enjoyed it…and I've also read a ton of Anne Lister's diaries. This gave me an idea. How would it be for me to put my own diary out there for the fandom to read? I'll start with the period during which I met the love of my life: my wife. I've changed the names (and locations) and replaced them with Anne Lister and Mariana Lawton, really just to conceal our identities. Enjoy and let me know what you think. I'll post more depending on how it is received. Thanks for reading!Note: I decided to start journaling about this relationship on May 17th of 2016, about 4 days after I actually met Mariana for the first time. So my early entries were re-caps of the days prior. However, all of what you will read is the unedited version of how it was actually written then.





	1. 5/17/19 entry

[5/5/2016 match.com - you have a new message from actvgrl: I grew up outside of Gainesville and went to U of F. I've been here for a bit.😀 I did do some travel therapy and lived in middle TN and in Birmingham, AL. How about you? If you'd rather talk by text I'm up for it. My number is 321-222-6904. Mariana]

May 5th – first messages via match, then texting began – and the sleepless nights spent thinking about the possibilities of dating someone again and all that goes with that began…

May 9th – first phone conversation – loved her voice and personality immediately. Very sweet, sort of shy, but not super shy. Then more texting, texting, texting – she would check in every morning and we would text in the evening some too. She was very good about keeping in touch and that was so nice. She always texts “good morning” before work. We agreed to meet, with her driving to Athens on Friday, May 13th. I was scheduled to work the 2:30-11 shift at the clinic, but I left early - around 6:45 - and went home…was so nervous waiting on her to get there. Lost appetite due to nerves. Also was thinking, “when we meet, should I give her a hug? Shake hands?” I didn’t want to appear cold or standoffish. I texted Jessie and she said hug, so I did.

Friday, May 13, 2016: At 7:21, Mariana texted to say that she had arrived and was parked. I put Argus on the back porch and went downstairs to let her in the lobby. She was waiting outside the door in her Columbia dress shirt, light blue shirt underneath, shorts, and tivas with a small Kavu purse worn across her body. She seemed slightly nervous…conversation was a little bit awkward at first, but very quickly became easy and fun. I liked her instantly and felt a surge of excitement run through my body when I looked at her for too long…had to look away. We chatted and I showed her my loft, let her see Argus who was on the back porch ready to pounce (as was I). She used the restroom and we left for Athentic Brewery – we had planned to try to go to a thai food pop-up there but I figured it would be sold out, and it was. We each had one beer and sat outside and talked. She told me about her job as a physical therapist, some of the types of crazy patients she’s had to work with. I shared some about my work and other various topics. There was no shortage of conversation and hardly any awkward silences. And many, many moments of staring at her and feeling surges, especially when she would look away. After finishing our beers, we decided to drive back to the loft and walk somewhere. We walked to my local place. She checked out the beer list, but ordered a water because she was going to have to drive home to Atlanta later. We ordered food and went upstairs to the rooftop deck and just happened to find an empty area for two. It was slightly chilly and I was wearing a sleeveless top, but it was bearable. We had great conversation…talked about the LGBTQI abbreviation and how many “boxes” there are now to describe people’s gender/sexuality, along with some political stuff, our families, our interests. She has run in many races, including half-marathons and marathons. She loves music, like I do. She’s always been into sports, played basketball on scholarship in college, point guard. She’s coached youth soccer and a team (softball?) for her niece. She seems to have many good friends. She’s dated quite a bit, mostly off of match. She’s had several long-term relationships, starting with her first in the late 90s that lasted about 3 years and ended badly. Most recent one ended 2 years ago because the woman cheated on her. She also shared about her parents and how her mom confronted her about being gay. Now her parents are loving and seem supportive of partners she’s had, but they just don’t talk openly about her being gay.

After a while, I had to pee, so we went downstairs and decided to leave to head back to my place. We walked back slowly and talked. We were almost all the way back to the loft when I was reminded that her car (a cute red Volkswagen convertible) was parked on the street nearby. I asked her if she would give me a ride and she said, “sure.” She put the top down (but left the windows up for me because she knew I was chilly). Her arm brushed mine when she went to work the controls for the top and I awkwardly moved it away. We drove down around city park and back. It was nice. When we got back, she looked at the time and realized that it was about 11:15 and she had the 1.5 hour drive back, so she probably needed to go. I was not ready for her to leave at all, and certainly did not feel tired, but I knew that she probably needed to head back. I started getting super nervous because I wanted to kiss her, but did not know how to make that move because I did not even know if this was really even a date or not - although, several signs pointed to the possibility that it was: discussions about past relationships and certainly there was an interest there (on my part, especially, but I detected, at minimum, a slight interest on her end). She got herself together and we headed towards the door of my loft. I was trying to read what was going to happen, but things became very awkward very quickly. We had trouble getting words out. We were fumbling slightly, although I was hoping it was hard to notice my nervousness. I gave her a hug goodbye and said how much I enjoyed it and opened the door for her to leave. As I was closing the door, she said, “Wait! How do I get out of here?” I was not even thinking because my mind was so overwhelmed with nerves over the possibility of a kiss. I think I said, “I’m so sorry. I was distracted.” I walked her down the hallway and as we walked I said, “So, was this a date?” Her immediate response was to jokingly say: “I’m not going to put it in any kind of box” – which was a reference back to our discussion of LGBTQI. I responded with a sarcastic smirk, “Okay, fine.” Once we got outside, she said, “Well, yes, I guess we could call it a date. I mean, I’d like to see you again, if that’s okay.” I said that I would like that. Then I said, “I think you are pretty.” It came out awkward and I think she was caught off-guard. She said, “Thanks.” We were standing at her car and this was the moment of truth. Kiss? No kiss? I decided to go in for a compromise and planted a quick kiss on her cheek, along with another hug. She got into her car and left. At 11:22, I texted her and said, “If you need any help staying awake while you drive, I’ll likely still be awake.” She texted back at 11:28, “(smiley) Thank you.” and then at 11:38, she texted “Busy?” I said, “Not now (smiley)” then she said “May I call?” and I said, “Please do.” At 11:48, she called. We talked for 54 minutes until she arrived at home. I told her how nervous I had been and we discussed how awkward first dates are. She said, “I did have a great time tonight.”


	2. First date? Or Second?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continued diary entry dated 5/17/19.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These entries come straight out of my journal…all of the dialogue came from direct text messages from that time and dialogue that actually took place (dialogue as I remembered it a few days later). None of this is fictional - only names and locations have been changed for privacy.

Saturday 5/14/16 8:32am – me: “U awake yet?” Mariana: “yes, just laying here.” “Thinking about making coffee.” Me: “I didn’t wake you did I?” Mariana: “No, not at all.” Me: “Do you have plans tomorrow?” And then I anxiously awaited her response, praying “please don’t have plans, please don’t have plans.” Mariana: “Nope.” Me: “Neither do I (smiley)” “Maybe a trip to Atlanta?” Mariana: “Ha! What would you like to do?” Me: “You plan” (this was because she made me plan our first meeting). Mariana: “Oh the pressure” Me: "No pressure. I’d be happy just hanging out and talking. I really enjoy our conversations so much.” “You can just show me around Atlanta a little. Maybe check out a brewery, if open.” Mariana: “You have to work Monday. I don’t mind driving there again if there is something going on in Athens you’d like to do. I’m off Monday.” So, we decided that she would come here again. We talked around 12:45 that day and worked out the details. She would get up around 8 or so and shower and leave to arrive around 11:30am. I was nervous, but I said to her, “I’m not being forward or anything, but if you want to bring an overnight bag, you can have my bed and I’ll sleep on the couch. Just in case it gets late and you don’t want to make the drive home or in case we want to have more than one beer. There’s no pressure or anything, I just wanted to let you know that you are welcome to stay.” She did not say anything one way or another, just said, “Thank you.” She had dinner plans later that afternoon (4pm) at a steakhouse with her family for her niece's birthday. She texted at 6:37pm and said, “Finished with the stuff. You out and about?” Me: “Great. How was it? Nope. I’m at home.” “Going to change for the play in a bit. Starts at 8pm.” Mariana: “Food was great! We walked around the shopping area for a bit afterwards. Went into a couple of stores.” Me: “Fun. Buy anything?” Mariana: “Mini gummy bears.” Me: “Couldn’t resist, huh?” (she likes sugar) Mariana: “Nope. I may bring them with me tomorrow” Me: “Will need energy.” (FLIRT!) She responded with two shocked smiley faces. Me: “What?? (Wink face) We’re going hiking!” Mariana: “I know. (double smiley)” I responded with a smiley face with an angel halo and an innocent look. Mariana: “I’m just…now I feel awkward. I’m just kidding I mean.” Me: “(smiley) Enjoying it.” Mariana: “Whew!” Me: “I actually started it.” Mariana: “Yes you did.” Me: “Just making sure that was established officially.” Mariana: “Noted. So…it is all your fault. Excellent.” Me: “I’m fine with that. And, by the way, what exactly is my fault?” (I was trying to get her to say something about being excited by my flirt) Mariana: “You starting this conversation.” Me: “Interesting.” I went to the play around 7:45 and we ended up talking that night before bed (I called her) at 10:15 for 22 minutes.

Sunday 5/15/16 – the day of our 2nd date (or 1st official date that we knew was actually a date?): I woke up early and waited for her text. I texted my friend Jessie (who knew Mariana was coming into town again to see me and was excited for me) to let her know that Mariana had not texted yet. This was around 8am. At 8:21am Mariana: “Good morning!” Me: “Morning! How are u?” Mariana: “Good. Getting in shower so will text when I’m leaving.” Me: “Ok. Sounds good.” 9:56am Me: “You still getting ready??!!” Mariana: “No. In my car. Sorry. Had to do a couple of things before leaving. Says I will arrive at 11:23.” 11:30am Mariana: “I’m here.” I rushed down to meet her at her car. She was dressed in a long sleeved grey t-shirt and running shorts with her Tivas. As she opened her trunk she said, “I did bring my overnight bag and I have some tennis shoes to change into once we get inside.” I thought I detected a shy smile as she said this. (“good sign” I thought). I responded with a smile and said, “Oh good.” We went inside and she put on her shoes and put her bag down. I packed us some water and we made our way outside and decided to take her car since it was a convertible and it was a gorgeous day. There was not one cloud in the sky; it was slightly cool. We rode to city park and parked on the side of the road by the baseball stadium. We walked from there down to the walking trail and walked through and back, talking the whole time. I told her about my trips to England and the wonderful people I'd met there. I asked her details about her job as a physical therapist. Again, it was good, steady, pleasant conversation. We walked back through the park and got in the car to head to grab a bite to eat at my favorite burger place. We both ordered burgers (she got the standard - with onions, I got the pimento cheese one) and both had one beer. She paid, which was sweet. Afterwards we played arcade games in the game room. We started with skeeball (which she wasn’t very good at) and then basketball (which she was great at – scored 47 to my 25 points, but would not accept my praise of her score as reflective of her college skills. She said it was a simple, easy game that anyone could play and score those points – however, I’d been recently with a friend and we played several games of bball and never got anywhere close to that score.). After that, we drove to a local hiking area and walked one of the trails while we talked. After the hike, we drove back to my loft and didn’t really know what to do with ourselves. She started showing me pics on her iphone of her family, her brother, her parents, her niece and nephew. I showed her photos of Mom and Dad, grandparents, and my brother and his wife. We were sitting semi-close on the small love seat. I kept looking at her trying to figure out how in the world to make the move to kiss her. I started getting really nervous – heart beating out of control, breathing increased some. Not sure if she noticed…but luckily she suggested we consider watching the movie I love so much called Carol. I thought about it and decided that it seemed like we had time before dinner, so we watched it. We moved the coffee table and pulled the ottoman over so that we could share the couch and put our feet up together. I snuggled close to her and put my head on her shoulder. It was still somewhat awkward because I didn’t know what to do with my hands. After a while, she took my hand in hers (!) and we sat, watching the movie while holding hands. She rubbed my fingers lightly with hers; I was melting inside. After the movie, I still had this strong desire to kiss her. We sat up on the couch as the credits were rolling and we were chatting…again, semi awkward “filler” conversation. She was starting to tell a story about something insignificant and I just looked at her and said, “Kisses?” She responded with, “What?” So I looked her in the eye and said, “Kisses.” She said, "But I had onions on my burger." I said, "I could care less." We kissed (and kissed) for the first time. There was also some very lovely rubbing around the body, avoiding the breasts and other parts. There were a few times that she got really into it – breathing harder and kissing harder. Oh my goodness, it drove me crazy with desire. I enjoyed it immensely. I did not want to stop, but after about 10 minutes we stopped and talked about grabbing dinner somewhere.


	3. Entry from 5/17/19 continued...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking a risk here...exposing our intimate details.

We both were really into it, and this time hands started moving over breasts and our bodies were both moving in sync with each other. After a few moments of that, we parted and talked a little bit. After a brief moment, Mariana sat back and said, "So, are you ready to go to bed?" And, I said no - I really wasn't ready for our evening together to be over. She made another statement about me having to go to work the next day and I told her that I wasn't tired at all. With a slight smile she said again, "Are you ready to go to bed?" I was starting to wonder why she was asking me the same thing again. I said something about sleeping on the couch. She said, "I'm not going to kick you out of your own bed." So, then I realized what she was getting at and I said, "Well, then I'm ready to go to bed, but I'm not ready to go to sleep," and I looked at her and smiled. And she looked me in the eyes and said, "Okay, let's go." I am sure I had a look of shock on my face, but it didn't take me long to get up and move. I turned the lights out, blew out the candle, picked up the speaker and iPod to bring in the other room. I had gone in the bedroom while she was in the bathroom earlier and turned down the bed (with hopes that we would end up there). We both headed for the bedroom and got in the bed and started passionately kissing and fumbling with hands all over. She felt amazing. Her hair kept falling in her face, but it was so sexy and she looked so beautiful smiling and looking up at me. Her eyes smiled along with her mouth. She was glowing; I was glowing too I'm sure. It felt magical - one of those moments you just want to last forever. Pretty soon, my shirt was up around my neck…and then it was off. Her mouth was on my breasts and my mouth found her beautiful full breasts too. Oh my god, they were gorgeous. I told her this too: "your breasts are so gorgeous." Again, her breathing quickened and got louder. She groped and kissed harder with such passion - that was such a turn-on for me. I've never had someone respond with such intensity to my touch. Amazing. That continued for a long time. I think we were in there for at least 2 1/2 hours or more before we started to drift off to sleep…but then we'd wake up and go on for more. I wore a t-shirt and boxers and both came off, leaving me in lacy black underwear that she seemed to love. Eventually hands were moving to places of no return…and she parted from me and whispered very sweetly, "You know I can't sleep with you, we've only had two dates." I groaned and whispered back to her, "Oh god…well then, how far can we go?" She just giggled and kept kissing me. Her hands moved down to my underwear and she whispered that she wanted to touch me but was going to save that for the next time we're together. I said that I would love for her to touch me. She said, "You would?" I responded "Yes!" She said, "Oh god" in a tone that let me know that it was going to be really hard for her to resist. As we kept kissing and rubbing, her hand continued to find it's way down to my underwear. At one point I told her in her ear that if she were to touch me, she would find that I was very wet, to which she responded with another groan and said, "Really?" Her hand started to pull them down just slightly at the top, but then would let back up. Then it would go a little farther and a little farther. Eventually she said, "Is it okay?" And I said, "Yes, please." And the underwear came off and her hand went deeper. It felt like electricity was running through my body. She was good at this kind of touch, very good…not too hard, not too soft. Tender. Sensual. I groaned with pleasure and told her how good it felt and how much I enjoyed her fingers there. I told her, "Go inside" and she did, which led to more groans of intense pleasure. She said, "Let me know what you need since I don't know how it goes for you." I told her, "I can't cum like that. I have to do it with you on top of me naked." She instantly laughed a loud sweet laugh and said, "That is such a lie!" thinking that I was trying to get her to have sex with me. I laughed as well because she was being so cute and funny thinking that I was trying so hard to manipulate her into taking off her underwear. I had to repeat myself a few times to convince her that this was the truth. She finally believed me and then looked at me and said more seriously, "I can't wait to experience that with you." I said, "I know…me too." At times, we both groaned with frustration because we didn't want to stop, also wanted to go farther, but knew we didn't need to right now. We had a few more rallies between momentarily drifting off to sleep and I made her take her shirt all the way off so that I could see her beautiful creamy skin around her chest and shoulders. Her bone structure around her neck and shoulders was breath-taking to look at and touch - so soft and feminine. I kissed her neck repeatedly (one of my favorite areas). Eventually, we ended up laying in each other's arms, drifting off to sleep. I woke several times in the night, as did she…and we reached for each other…so glad to be beside one another in bed. It was surreal…and so lovely. In the morning, I got up to shower and got back in bed to cuddle briefly before having to get up, get coffee, and get moving. We watched some of the Today show together and she read me funny things from her Instagram feed. She told me a couple of times, "I have had a really great time with you." She also said, "I do want to see you again." I agreed and tried to get her to agree to let me come to Atlanta after work that evening and she left the door open to that idea as a possibility. She packed her overnight bag; I slipped some leftover chocolate chip cookies in her bag when she wasn't looking, and we made our way to the door. Before going out, we kissed. I didn't want to stop, but she kept telling me that I was going to be late for work (she's very conscientious about work responsibilities). We walked down to my car and I kissed her one more time and then she walked to her car and I drove off to work. 

When I got to work, I texted: "Made it to work safe and sound. Don't mean to be sappy, but I miss you already. Be thinking about if you want me to come tonight or not. I can prob be there by 6pm. But you might need to rest/sleep (we only slept a few hours). And I don't want to negatively impact you having to go to work. Don't text and drive!" She sent back a smiley and said, "I'll text when I get home. Had a great time!" I had burned her two cds titled "subliminal messages" full of songs about love, sex, and new relationships. She texted, "Is there a theme to the music?" I responded: "What do you think? There are messages in each song, individually." Mariana: "Ha! Good answer. I like the music." Later she texted: "So you're sappy…and you miss me. smiley." I said: "Yes and YES. Pretty crazy about you at this point."

Later on she texted, "Would you mind waiting to come visit? I have a lot to do (more than I thought) and don't want a rushed visit. I do want to see you so please don't doubt that. Would that be ok?" I wrote back: "Sure. Totally understand." Of course, I felt deflated from my high, disappointed, but I did understand. I also knew that we both needed rest and to return to being responsible adults. Mariana: "I really like you and want to see you a lot more." Me: "The feeling is so mutual." Mariana: "I want to finish what was started last night." Me: "Oh god, me too (having flashbacks)." Mariana: "Ha! Sorry. Didn't mean to distract you from work. I really liked being with you." Me: "To say I enjoyed it immensely would be an understatement. So...just so you know, I prob won't see you again before I go on my trip." I had a trip planned to Europe - leaving in four days - and would be gone for 11 days. Mariana: "I will definitely have something to look forward to." Me: "But I hope you know that it isn't all about the physical attraction. I really do enjoy who you are as a person so much. And our compatibility…I love your love of music, running, similar interests, etc." Mariana: "I know (smiley). So you just want to hang out and run and listen to music with me? (smiley). I totally enjoyed the whole day with you. Talking and hanging out." Me: "I'm so glad we had so much time yesterday and last night. Hate that it had to end but...reality sucks. I know that the intensity level between us is up there high. And, although enjoyable, that's not always sustainable and good to take a break from to savor it for a while. So, I think it is OK that I not come. Even thought I really, really want to spend crazy amounts of time with you. I want to know everything about you." Mariana: "Yes it does. You're cute. So…are we dating? Or just trying to figure it out? What's your thought?" Me: "Yes, please? Can we be dating? I have ZERO intention of seeing anyone else. Put my match account on hold. You are a gem. Interested to hear your thoughts though." Mariana: "Yes, I would love to continue seeing you. And, if anyone asks I can say we're dating :) I'm also cool with taking things slow or coming up with a plan on how this will work since I live here and you live there. I hope the distance doesn't bother you at this time." Me: "Distance doesn't bother me and can actually be a good/fun thing if we handle it right. I don't think slow is in my vocabulary at this point with you, but I do realize that sensibility must play a part at some point. (smiley)" Mariana: "Slow is not in your vocabulary right now? But why? (smiley)" Me: "I think someone else struggled with slow last night too." Mariana: "Ha! Guilty!" Me: "Enjoyed the struggle." Mariana: "So, I already can't wait till you return from your trip." Me: "Me either. Going to be a long wait. I return two weeks from last night."


	4. How about I come?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A surprise visit before a long time apart.

We decided that I will travel to Atlanta Memorial Day evening because she will get off from work by 3pm and I'll be off that day - which is the day after I return from Europe.

Monday night 5/16/16 - Mariana: "Hi cutie. Having a good evening?" Me: "Would be way better if you were here. Love that you called me cutie. I'm listening to your cd and packing my suitcase." We talked on the phone for two hours, then hung up so she could take a shower, and then talked for another 30 minutes. After we hung up, she texted: "I do miss feeling you beside me. :( Good night." Me: "Was thinking the same thing…just hugged your side of the bed. :( Goodnight."

Tuesday morning 5/17/16 - Me: "I'm awake. Just laying here remembering that you were here next to me sleeping so beautifully (with no shirt and your gorgeous long hair on my pillow) just 24 hours ago. :(" Mariana: "Would love to be laying there with you." Later she texted that she didn't sleep very well. I said, "Sorry your sleep wasn't the best. Wonder what is going on with that." Mariana: "Not sure. Hopefully better tonight…I mean Sunday night was totally your fault. :)" Me: "Guilty. But I could throw it right back at you and say that it was your fault for being irresistible." Mariana: "Ha! Right! Good come back." Later on: Mariana: "Hi cutie." Me: "Hey Sexy." Mariana: "Ha!" Mariana: "I have your parking tag." I told her to keep it because I was about to be gone for 11 days. Mariana: ":( You'll be gone…" Me: "I can't wait to come back." Later on…Mariana: "What are your plans for the evening?" Me: "I'm home for the night. Heating up dinner now, finish packing, watch Netflix. Talk to you (favorite part)." Mariana: :) :)

Thurs 5/18/16 - I leave tomorrow for 11 days away in Europe. Once I get back, Mariana and I have plans to see each other at her place on Memorial Day when she will get off by 3pm. I'll arrive back home the day before and drive over the next afternoon. We've been struggling with the distance and knowing that we won't see each other for such a long time and at such an exciting point in our relationship.

Today's texts: 6:46am Mariana: "Kisses" Me: "Many kisses. You are always on my mind, even when we aren't texting or talking." Mariana: " :) " 9:10am Me: "Wish I could see u." Mariana: "How about I come down after work and we go out to dinner?" Me: "OMG! Yes! Would you??!" Mariana: "Of course I will. :) " Me: "Oh my gosh...you've made my day! I'll be at my place by 5 or so. Just have to take Argus to the sitter." Mariana: "Ok, cool. Glad I made your day!" Me: "Can't wait to see u! kissy smiley" Mariana: "Can't wait to see you either :)" Me: "My stomach is doing flips." 

2pm, Me: "Do you have to go home first after work?" Mariana: "I can come straight there, but I'll be in scrubs." Me: "Awesome." Mariana: "Ok...but I'm all work looking." Me: "Sexy" Mariana: "Oh no...not at all." Me: "I think so. Well, you can take them off right when you get here." Mariana: "Ha!"

Mariana arrived at 5:49pm and I walked her up to my place from the lobby. She was wearing her greenish-blue scrubs with her hair pulled back and tennis shoes. She looked adorable. She still seemed a tiny bit shy in the first few minutes of arriving, but I quickly grabbed her hand and gave her a hug and kissed her neck (my favorite). She asked what I wanted to do and I just stared at her and smiled. She said, "Why are you being cheesy?" I couldn't bring myself to say what I wanted to say - that I just wanted to take her to the bed right then and there - so, I didn't say anything and instead led her to the living room while we chatted. We decided to sit on the couch and talk for a few minutes. I rubbed her arm warmly as we talked. She told me about her day at work, the patients she had to work with, some of the challenges. I asked how long she could stay and she said that she needed to be home for 9:30 or 10pm because she had a busy day tomorrow. I was hoping she could stay and sleep over and just get up early enough to get to work on time, but she couldn't and that was okay. I was just so glad that she came. After a few minutes of talking, we decided not to waste any more time. By this time it was a little after 6pm, which meant we only had about 2 1/2 hours. She said she was hungry, so we decided to go get something to eat. We tried the place across the street, but the wait was 30 minutes and I didn't want to waste our time together waiting, so we left and went to the corner pub. We each ordered a beer and she got the pimento cheese sliders and fries; I got a chicken quesadilla. She told me that she was able to put in for getting my birthday off from work (a little over 3 months away - good sign) and I was really happy to hear this. We got our food fairly quickly, ate, and left to go back to my place. We walked in and after a brief awkward moment she said, "What do you want to do?" I motioned her to the bed. She smiled and chuckled and said that she came here to visit with me and eat dinner. I told her that I just wanted to cuddle and she said, "Oh really?" and then quickly gave in. She had to use the bathroom and while she was in there I decided to get out of my work clothes and change into boxer shorts and a tank top. When she came out, she commented on my changing and smiled. She told me that she had every intention of staying in her scrubs and I told her that I had every intention of getting her out of them. 

We laid down on the bed and started kissing and I grumbled about her staying in her scrubs. She explained that she felt nasty from work, but also that she wants to wait on sex until I get back from Europe. She said with a grin, "Here I was coming to see you and enjoy your company" and I responded with a smile, "Should I not want you? Should I not be attracted to you? You want me to stop?" We kissed passionately and rubbed each other all over various areas of the body over our clothes. She eventually made her way to my bra and her hands and mouth made it to my nipples (oh my god). We were both breathy and very much into it. I told her that I loved the way she breathes and gets so passionate with it. I love the way she responds to me - I've never experienced that before. She said that she couldn't believe this and asked how it was that I'd never had the experience of someone responding to my touch in passionate ways. We would break away from kissing and stare into each others eyes for both brief and long periods and smile at each other. She looked so beautiful - her smile is gorgeous, with perfectly straight white teeth, and her brown eyes looked so kind and lovingly at me. There were times I had to shut my eyes to take a break from the intensity of our stares, but would very quickly open them again to re-experience it all over again. Eventually, I wanted to make it easier access for her, so I took off my top and bra and shorts, left on my lace underwear that I told her I'd worn for her again. She moved on top of me and I said, "There are only 3 layers of material separating us from each other right now (my underwear, her scrubs, and her underwear)." I told her that I needed to know what she liked, what worked for her in bed? She continued to touch and lick at my nipples which sent an enormous surge of pleasure throughout my body, but mostly triggered the release of moisture in my underwear repeatedly. She seemed to enjoy my response to her touch as much as I enjoyed her touch. We engaged in that repeatedly until eventually her hands moved down to my underwear. I whispered that I had been thinking a lot about what she had done the other night and how great it felt. She groaned and said how hard I was making it for her to keep her clothes on and I responded that she was making it really hard as well. The underwear flew off and her fingers ended up inside me again. She looked at me as I was moaning in pleasure and said, "open your eyes" - I opened my eyes and looked into her eyes while she was touching me, which was amazingly intense and sensual; her touch was so tender but determined. She said, "this is what works for me" and then touched me deeper and more intensely. We both said how much we were looking forward to seeing each other after I return from Europe - how much we look forward to being naked together. She broke away to ask what time it was - 8:15pm. She needed to leave soon. We laid there in each other's arms, giving each other soft kisses on the face, neck, and shoulders. I told her how glad I was that she came and she said that she was happy to have decided to come too. About 10 minutes later, she got up to gather her things and make her way out the door. We kissed at the door before I walked her down to her car and again once we got to her car. She told me what a great time she had with me and I agreed that it was awesome. And then she was off...

8:47pm - Me: "Missing you already. Thanks SO much for coming." Mariana: "I love being there with you. :)" Me: "Love you being here too. Can't wait to explore everywhere with you. You are so easy and fun to be with. Can't stop smiling when you are around." Mariana: "Same with you cutie." Me: "Love your smile sexy."

She called about 45 minutes later and we talked for almost an hour while she drove. We discovered that we actually had some mutual friends in common. In fact, she had been to a birthday gathering several years ago and I was there at that same party. We talked about how fun it would be to find some photos from that party and see if we could see ourselves there, in the same space but both with other people at the time. The conversation was fun and light, with looming tenderness from our time together. I felt a longing for her to still be there, but also felt satisfied from having been able to see her again before leaving.


	5. Anticipation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coming home to Mariana after a long trip away...and much anticipation about really being together intimately for the first time.

I left for Europe on 5/19, the day after Mariana last visited for that brief, but intensely pleasurable visit. Throughout my time in Europe, I was overwhelmed with thoughts of her. I enjoyed my time there immensely, but really looked forward to coming home because I knew that I'd get to see her the following day and spend the night. While in Europe, I was on a mission throughout each day to connect to wireless so that I could send and received texts from Mariana. It was exciting and fun...and my days were full of anticipation. Each night I would go to bed around 10pm (4pm Mariana time) and she would be just getting off from work. We would talk off and on, depending on what she had going on, sometimes until the wee hours of the morning for me. I couldn't sleep anyway (too much excitement and fantasies running through my head constantly), so it was okay and besides that, it was so enjoyable to talk to her. I couldn't NOT do it. I did screen-shots of a lot of our text exchanges because they were flirty and fun, and mostly just really sweet. She reciprocated the flirting very well along with very sweet messages letting me know that she was missing me and was still very interested in knowing me. It felt amazing. At some point into my trip, she went for a brief beach trip with her friend Christopher. They were driving home to Atlanta and we talked. It was during this conversation that we agreed to approve each other as facebook friends. I was able to get on her facebook page and saved some of her photos to my phone. On a regular basis, I would pull up these photos just to look at her and feel the warmth and longing I felt for her. On the flight home from Europe, I could hardly focus on anything else besides the opportunity to see her and be with her the following day. We had previously discussed sleeping together for the first time during this visit, so I knew that was a likely possibility and that just made my longing so much more intense. I got home around 6pm, picked up Argus from boarding, unpacked my suitcase, and repacked for her place. She said it was okay for me to bring Argus with me, so I did. That next day, Monday (Memorial Day), I could hardly contain my excitement. I went to the gym, which helped (tough workout) relieve some of the sexual tension, but it quickly returned as I was preparing to leave. I left the house around 1:30, with the plan to arrive at her place around 3pm or so. She got off a little earlier than she thought and got home around 2:30. I arrived and Argus and I walked into her apartment. I was pleasantly surprised at her decorating skills. It was very clean and everything seemed to have its place. She had a really nice place and it felt very comfortable and homey. Argus was very well behaved (surprisingly!) and didn't jump on her. He explored the place a little bit, but quickly was able to settle down. We sat together on the couch and chatted a little bit, but it did not take long before we were kissing. This time, she was the one to suggest that we move into the bedroom - and I was sort of shocked by this, but I LOVED knowing that we were both on the same page - both wanting it to happen ASAP - and knowing that she wanted me as much as I wanted her. We moved to the bed and started kissing very passionately. We did that for about an hour and within that span of time, I had gone from being fully clothed to nothing but my underwear. She had changed into a t-shirt and shorts, but had not yet taken a shower after work and felt she needed to do so (even though I protested and said that she did not have to for my sake). I teased that she needed to hurry up but she stalled by continuing to kiss me. We laughed together about this and she eventually left me on the bed to take a quick shower. She came back to the bed in her clothes again, but they did not stay on her for very long. The intensity of our kissing increased, hands moved everywhere...to breasts...and her shorts and underwear, along with my underwear, eventually came off. The first time she laid on top of me while we were both naked was so very intense - I was in heaven. I felt drunk, felt like electricity was buzzing through my body and my skin was glowing and so extremely sensitive to her touch. We both seemed in awe of these moments, of our passionate kisses and the newness and excitement that came with each movement and each new area to explore and touch. Eventually, her hand ended up where it had been twice before and the pleasure from that seemed intensified this time. I also knew that I was dying to touch her, so I made my way to her and began delicately going inside. Ecstasy. Total ecstasy would be the words I would use to describe how it felt to touch her. She was so wet and open and it blew my mind repeatedly throughout the time I was touching her. She moaned with pleasure and this intensified my enjoyment of touching her. It was awesome to know that this woman was experiencing this amount of pleasure because of my touch. I've never experienced anything of that intensity level before in my life. She pulsed her hips and rocked and moaned as she came. It was gorgeous. It was surreal. I kissed her lightly on her forehead when she was done. Shortly after, she laid on top of me, her clit immediately over mine, and I positioned her where I needed her and we began rocking together. It wasn't long before the excitement of this led to an intense orgasm for me...and with that, we lay there...sweaty, breathy, satisfied, wrapped in each other's arms while lightly kissing and whispering to each other. It was one of the most beautiful experiences I've ever had.

We decided that we were both hungry and would go out for a bite to eat. She picked a place - a bar and grill with pub-type food (burgers, wings, burritos, etc). Her friend Christopher decided to come join us. She drove me in her convertible with the top down and pointed out places and told me about the area along the way. We got there...I ordered a beer - hefeweizen - and she ordered a gentleman jack on the rocks. Christopher arrived and we had to move to a bigger table (we weren't expecting him at first). He ordered the same beer I had and we talked about how much we like that kind of beer. Mariana ordered the burrito but in nacho form...I got a grilled chicken sandwich with fries and another beer. It was all very tasty, conversation was good, Christopher and I got to know each other a little bit. After a while though, I was ready for us to go back to her place and have some time together again. It wasn't too long before we did.

When we got back to her place, we watched a little TV...and then started kissing again (I could kiss her for hours and hours - she is an amazing kisser). We decided to head to the bedroom and get ready for bed. I put on my black lace top to go with my underwear and she had on her t-shirt and shorts. Again, everything came off and we went for round 2...which was almost as intensely pleasurable as round 1 and we did everything we did before all over again. We talked afterwards for a while. She asked me questions about my relationships and sex from the past and talked a little about hers, but it was a sweet conversation. Nothing bad or uncomfortable. While we were laying there, she went through several instagram photos on her phone (which she loves to do) and shared each one along with some of the comments and laughed. I watched in amazement at how cute she is and how wonderful it is that something so simple makes her happy and this made me feel really happy and content. We drifted off to sleep and throughout the night hung onto each other in various positions. Her light breathing sounded so sweet and I was so glad to be there with her. Argus did not seem to know what to make of what we were doing throughout the evening, but he had eventually settled on the floor by the bed and slept.

In the morning, I got up and showered quickly and laid back down next to her for a while as she slowly woke up. We kissed and held each other and talked about not wanting to get up, not wanting to leave. Soon it was time though...so I gathered my things - and Argus - as she was getting ready for work. We kissed goodbye and I left. I felt some sadness, but also felt full of love and joy at the same time. We had plans for me to return on Thursday of that week (June 2nd) because I had to be in Columbus the next day for work. 

On Thursday, I had to work until 4, but I ended up re-arranging my schedule so that I could leave shortly after 3. I rushed home, got Argus (she agreed to keep him while I was away for the weekend and we'd see each other again on Sunday after I was finished - which was awesome) and we left quickly. I arrived at her place around 4:45, but had received a call along the way that my dad was having some unexpected medical tests (it didn't sound super serious, but he was being monitored), so I was on the phone when I got there, talking to my cousin. I was upset and reeling from the conversation as I walked in to Mariana's door. We talked about it for a few minutes; she was supportive and asked if I was going to need to go see Dad (I wasn't - 1. because I had an important meeting that I could not get out of and Dad was at least a 7-hour drive away, and 2. because I didn't feel it was serious enough yet to warrant a visit from me, and 3. because I wanted so desperately to spend time with her and it would have really been upsetting to have to leave). Mariana said that she was hungry and suggested that we go eat first - however, we could not seem to decide what we wanted to eat and she seemed to be procrastinating, somewhat. After some time of talking on the couch, she got up to do something and came back and laid down on me/next to me on the couch. We talked and started kissing - the intensity was there all over again. We quickly decided on moving into the bedroom and found ourselves there. Again, the intensity and passion of our kissing was off-the-charts-high and we both knew it and commented on it to each other throughout. We kept our clothes on for a little while, until the desire became too strong and first my shirt and bra...then her shirt and bra...then my pants...then her pants...then my underwear...then her underwear all came off. This time, we went straight into her on top of me and rocking. We really got into it and it went on for a while. We both became wet with sweat and started sticking to each other because of it, but it was wonderful. After a short period of rocking, I eventually came and we laid there holding onto each other and lightly kissing and cuddling. Eventually we talked about getting up, but she hinted that we could come back to this later. This excited me greatly and I made her promise that we would do it again after dinner...which she easily did, with a smile.

We decided on Chinese for dinner and quickly threw on some clothes to go grab it from the restaurant. As we drove in her car, she again pointed out various places in and around her area and we talked about fun things we plan to do together. We got to the restaurant, ordered the food (I insisted on paying since she had paid the last several times) and left to head back to her place. We stopped for gas and so that I could get some milk...and I bought her a diet soda (which she is trying to cut back on). When we got back to her place, we got situated on the couch and I got one of her beers out of the fridge (which I promptly spilled on her carpet and table) and we sat on the couch to eat our meals. We ended up watching "Imagine You and Me" while we were eating. After the movie, we ended up in the bedroom again for round 2 of this trip...which did not, in any way, disappoint when compared to our 3 other times being together sexually. She was just as intensely responsive (if not more so), lovely moaning and breathing hard when I touched her, as was I to her touch. Again - another mind-blowing experience. This time, after she climaxed and I was laying half on top of her, we wrapped our arms around each other and squeezed so tightly, holding each other still for several moments. It was a sweet moment that seemed full of love for each other. I remember thinking, "god I love this woman so much" and holding her very tightly in my arms. We broke away and she slowly moved to position herself on top of me, first touching me and fondling my clit, along with some nice deep penetration (as I asked for her to go harder and harder, which she did, and eventually moved on top of me for climax). She rocked on top of me, this time my climax was way more intense and lasted a long time. Left me shivering and shuddering in pleasure for several minutes afterwards. We lay there, whispering to each other, kissing each other's foreheads, shoulders, necks, lips...and then spooned for a while. We started talking and she asked me if I had ever thought of having children. I told her about the issues about that with my ex - about how she never wanted kids and refused to discuss it but told me to have a child if I wanted to - and then I asked her what she thought about having kids. She said that she had never had a physical desire to give birth, but that she would definitely support her partner having a child. She got out her phone and went through her music list and played various parts of songs for me while we talked about music and commented to each other about songs we like. Eventually, it was getting late and, reluctantly, we both knew that we needed to get to sleep. She told me that she was so glad that I came to see her and I told her that I was so glad to be able to come. In the morning, we woke up and reached for each other. I didn't have to get up because I didn't need to leave until 9am or so, but she needed to get up and get ready. She woke up earlier than necessary and we cuddled and talked a little bit...through our grogginess. She rubbed my shoulders and back, and eventually made her way to my breasts...to which I responded, "do you have time?" She said no, rubbed a little bit more, and then seemed to have to force herself to stop. We both got up, I took Argus out and she brushed her teeth and started getting ready. We made coffee, chatted a little, hugged and touched whenever we passed each other in the apartment here and there. I didn't want her to leave and she seemed to linger as long as she possibly could. She gave me reports here and there about how much time she had left and what traffic might be like, how much time she'd need to allow herself to get to work...and then eventually the time came for her to have to leave. We hugged, kissed, and she was gone to work a little before 7am.

I hung out at her apartment, made the bed, enjoyed being there in her cute, comfortable place...until time to head to work. I left Argus in his crate and was off around 8:50am.

We have plans for Sunday - I should finish with work around 10am and then will head home to Athens. She plans to drive with Argus to see me and will spend the night at my place and get up early and head to work. Then next weekend, she will come to my place on Thursday and we will be together until Monday evening or early Tuesday morning! We will be going to Florida to see some of her friends for a birthday party and have a hotel until Monday. I have to work Friday (late shift), but we will have plenty of time together to enjoy each other for the first time without having to leave within 24 hours. I can't wait!


	6. Getting Comfortable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trip to see friends in Florida...and time spent getting more comfortable with each other.

All day on Thursday, June 9th, I was watching the clock...anxiously awaiting Mariana's arrival some time that afternoon/evening. She had to work and work was busy for her that day. She had also dropped her car off to be serviced and was at the mercy of the dealership to pick her up from work and bring her to get her car. That took a while and she didn't end up getting home and on the road until after 6pm. She arrived around 7:55pm, which was way later than I had planned for it to be. I had been beside myself with anticipation - I was ready to get our weekend of fun started, as we had time together until Monday afternoon at least (4 full days, plus Thurs evening). She arrived and was tired and hungry. She had asked if we could go out for a beer, and I had said "sure!" but she was unaware that I had ordered food from a favorite mexican place for us and bought her her favorite beer to drink. I had it ready and waiting for her. I had music playing and candles lit throughout the condo. She came in, we hugged, kissed, sat down and ate shortly after (we mostly ate chips and cheese dip and chicken enchiladas which were delicious). She drank her beer and I had a beer as well. After we ate, she still wanted to go for a beer out somewhere...said that she was happy and excited for the weekend to start. We took a walk headed out for a local pub, but decided just to walk around for a little bit and come back. I was feeling somewhat anxious at this point because during the week leading up to her arrival I thought I had noticed a pattern of less texting and talking than normal - perhaps a little less excitement in her voice or less desire to talk/connect with more focus on chores at home and other things that I felt were sort of mundane compared to our connection. It had me a little worried and then when she arrived there seemed to be a slight distance between us. We got back from our walk and got ready for bed. Mariana let me know that she was really tired and just wanted to go to sleep. This was disappointing to me, but I also really understood. I was being quiet (due to what was now a little increase in worry about us) and she picked up on it. She was reassuring with her words, letting me know that she was glad to be there with me to get to spend so much time with me this weekend and that there was nothing at all to worry about. It took me a little while, but my anxiety lessened up due to her reassuring words. We went to sleep and got pretty good rest. I had to work hard to keep Argus from jumping up on the bed repeatedly through the night. He was very excited to see her again and seemed to want to cuddle with her constantly. He jumped up on her side of the bed at one point and put his head on her and they cuddled a good bit. They are good buddies.

In the morning we lounged in bed for quite some time -- and then I eventually asked if we could have morning sex. :) Mariana seemed happy to oblige and it was awesome, as usual. It was hard for us to eventually get out of bed and get moving for coffee and breakfast, but we did it. We ended up going out for donuts from a bakery down the street. Mariana let me drive her car and we bought half a dozen and brought them back - they were delicious - she seemed to really like them. I made her some coffee and we went and bought her flavored creamer from the store across the street. We sat around and talked, she checked her facebook and instagram and laughed at various postings. I eventually had to take a shower and get dressed because I had a hair cut scheduled for 12:15. She decided that she would go to the mall to return some underwear she bought while I was getting my hair cut. We were both back at the condo by 1:30. I had to go to work at 2:30...so we just hung out until then. She stayed at my place while I was at work - took a nap, took a run, hung out with Argus, got showered and ready for our evening plans. I finished with work at 6:30 and walked in to see her looking so cute and ready for our night out. She told me she was still really hot from her run, even after showering and getting ready. We stopped by an Asian place for a brief visit with friends, then we met up with two of my other friends for dinner at a local bar and grill. Mariana was dressed really cute in a Columbia shirt with pink/red checkers and shorts. I was excited for her to meet my friends and they all seemed to like her a lot. We got to spend less time with friends at dinner because Mariana wasn't feeling well. She said that she was feeling faint and had to go inside to use the bathroom, but it was really to experience the cool air conditioning inside for a few minutes - we think it might have been that she got too hot on her run and never fully recovered. It was also fairly hot on the back patio at the bar and grill and she was drinking beer - maybe she was dehydrated? She asked if we could leave because she was feeling pretty bad, so we said our goodbyes and headed home. At her request, I stopped and bought her two sodas on the way home. We got home and she still wasn't feeling well, so we went to bed. We slept pretty well and she was feeling better the next morning. In the morning, we woke up around 7-ish and got packed up, got dressed and decided to go by the local farmer's market on our way out so Mariana could see it. We dropped Argus off for boarding. The market was already pretty crowded, but we walked around and then made our way on the road. We stopped to get gas and grabbed breakfast. :)

The road trip was fun - being in the car with Mariana for 4+ hours was nice. She played her xm radio and we talked about music and memories that the songs brought to mind. She gets pretty feisty while driving - does not like left lane drivers and talks to them frequently. She joked that it was left lane awareness month right now and it became a running joke throughout the trip. I thought her feistiness was sort of cute and it showed me a different side of her personality. We held hands throughout the car ride and she would stroke my hand or my leg warmly periodically. This made my heart swell and made me want to kiss and touch her as soon as possible. She would look over at me periodically and I'd look back and her and we would both smile. Oftentimes we'd catch the other looking and ask each other, "what?" -- but for me it was just pure joy and happiness that I was experiencing...just being with her and knowing we had so much time together ahead of us was so nice.

We decided to take a longer route and stop at an outlet mall to shop. This added a good bit of time to our trip, but we had plenty of time, so we did it. I went to Ann Taylor Loft first and found a bunch of good stuff. She went to the Gap and found some shorts and boxer shorts to sleep in. She also bought another shirt from Eddie Bauer and some sleep shirts from Polo. We racked up! Then we got back in the car and drove to a local dive for lunch. It was hot, but not too crowded...we sat at the bar and both had tacos (I had fish, she had chicken) and margaritas. Then we headed to Pensacola to check in to our hotel. Time caught up with us and we had to rush to get ready once we got there because we needed to be at Sharon and Nikki's party around 6pm and it was already after 5pm once we got to the hotel. We showered and changed - she looked really cute in her new shirt from Eddie Bauer (green checkered - I told her to get it because it looked great with her hair color). We got to the party - there weren't a ton of people there and she only knew various ones as acquaintances from Sharon and Nikki's wedding. We sat next to each other on the couch...she drank some jack daniels on the rocks and I had two gin and tonics. We hung out in the living room most of the time - it rained, so everyone sort of crowded inside. We talked with Nikki for a little while -- and then Sharon for a little while too. Around 9pm, we started talking about leaving because it didn't seem like there was really much going on at the party; it was going to be a long time before the band started playing and we were both sort of tired. Mariana went outside to collect her chair that she brought and I stayed inside. During the time she was outside, I guess Sharon and Nikki stopped her and asked some about me. Not sure what was said but Mariana seemed to say it was positive. Then Nikki came in and found me and said something like, "I want you to know that she is a great person." I stopped her right away and said, "I'm crazy about her." Then Nikki said, "I can kind of tell that you guys are a good match. I get a really good vibe from you. Hopefully we can all hang out some more soon." I said that I would like that. Sharon and Mariana came inside at that point as well and I gave a hug and said goodbye. Mariana and I left and returned to the hotel where we promptly got out of our clothes and began kissing and touching each other. It seemed more intense than times past - slightly more free and sexual than before because I think we are really starting to grow more comfortable with each other and each other's bodies. Our connection is really intense for me and it seems like it is for her as well. I told her that she is a "beast" in the bedroom and she laughed and said that made her sound like she is fat -- and I clarified that I did not mean that, but that I mean that she is very sexy and good in bed. The way that she is with me - the way she touches me; the way she looks at me with her sweet smile while staring into my eyes very deeply as if she wants to say something loving, but she also seems to hold herself back from going too far with it right now. I want to say it to her too -- but I know it is still too soon and I'm not sure she would trust it yet. But the feelings I have for her are very deep and intense. When we are together - even just riding in the car or going out to a restaurant, I feel so much for her. There is still nothing I don't like about her. I especially still love it when she whistles contently - this is very endearing to me. I also love her laugh, her smile, her body is gorgeous - her hair is gorgeous. I smile just thinking about her and picturing her face and smile, and her mannerisms.

Sunday morning we woke up and cuddled...then went to eat breakfast at the hotel. We both had waffles - yum. Then packed up our stuff for the beach. She wore a bikini bathing suit with shorts as bottoms - looked very cute on her (although she's still so self conscious about her body). We left for the beach, drove and parked at the beach parking lot and walked over to some of the shops. I needed a beach towel and chair and we forgot that we needed a small cooler for drinks/snacks. We bought two beers each at the circle k and she had bought a small cooler pack and some ice, so we put all of that together and then walked back over to the beach. We set up our chairs and umbrella and sat together on the beach from about 10:30 until about 1:30 when the dark clouds started rolling in. It was really nice being with her on the beach. We were both very relaxed, drank our beers, listened to the music that a restaurant on the beach was playing and it was pretty good music. We talked about various topics, our families (grandparents, growing up). We decided to leave and head back to the hotel to shower and change. Mariana said that she would rather us leave that evening and drive back to my place so that we could have the morning together and not have to rush back. She said that she would need to leave Monday afternoon just to get back and get ready for the work week. So, we showered, packed up, and checked out. We had planned on having dinner at McGuire's Irish Pub in Pensacola. Mariana wanted me to try it because she said the steak was really good there. We got there around 4-ish and had a nice meal...were both were very full when we left. She bought us two coozies from the gift shop as souvenirs. :)

We got back to my place around 9:20pm and came inside, dropped our bags and got ready for bed. Argus was still boarding because we were home too late to get him. Mariana said that she needed some "down time" after driving so long, so we sat in the living room while she checked her facebook and instagram. I sat with her quietly and she commented that I was quiet. I was ready to take her to bed, but she seemed tired and I wasn't sure if she would want to and I knew that there wasn't anything I wanted to watch on tv and there wasn't really anything else to do. She made a couple of comments about me wanting to have sex and her being tired, but she was saying them in a joking manner. Still, there seemed to be some hint of seriousness to them - so it was hard for me to read. Finally, she said she was ready for bed and she went to wash her face and brush her teeth. I got in bed and waited for her. Once she came to bed, I said, "I guess we need to talk" and I think this scared her a little because her face got serious and she said, "oh gosh, about what?" So I said, "do we need to talk about the sex issue - do I need to slow down some?" Mariana laughed and seemed relieved right away. She said no, she had been teasing me and she guessed that she needed to stop and not do that anymore. She said, "I absolutely love being with you. I love sex with you very much." This was a huge instant relief for me to hear her say that. We started kissing and again, the sex seemed more intensely sexual. We touched each other in ways we hadn't done before. It blew my mind it was so good. Words can't describe how good it feels to be with her.

The next morning we woke up slowly...around 7:30...7:45. We cuddled and stayed in bed, even though we had talked about getting up and running 4 miles and maybe going for breakfast somewhere. Eventually she made moves on me and we had morning sex (AMAZING again!), which made me very happy. Again, the intensity level was high -- we actually did it twice. We made our way out of bed slowly and to the kitchen for coffee -- it was some time around 9:30 or so before we had our coffee. We ate peanut butter cookies for breakfast :) and she checked her facebook and instagram for a while. I watched a little tv. She said that she needed to get a few things from Target, so we went to Target and came back. We decided to eat lunch at a place called The Filling Station - pizza and beer, which was delicious. We split a small 3-cheese and we ate the whole thing. Afterwards, we went to an antique shop to look at their antiques and she seemed to really enjoy the store. She wanted to go by another one, but we really didn't have much time. She had planned to leave around 2pm and it was already 1:30. We swung by the doggie daycare to pick up Argus. I was starting to get sad about her having to leave soon. We got back to the condo and got inside - Argus was really tired and seemed glad to be home. He followed her closely from the car in to the condo as if he was making sure she was coming with us. We got inside and she lay down on the sofa...I laid there with her...sort of half on top of her, half on the sofa so I wouldn't slide off. She kissed me and I was expecting her to have to leave at any moment. All of a sudden she said, "do you want to go to the bedroom?" I jumped up right away and led her in there. This time, we were crazy-all-over-each-other. It was the best yet - very intense - and we could tell that both of us were very comfortable being together and touching each other. Just when I thought it was over and we were done, we started again. We both climaxed numerous times (I counted at least 3 for me) and neither one of us wanted to stop touching, kissing, moving on top of each other, touching each other. I could not believe how turned on she was every time I touched her - so open, and SO wet. At one point, she moved my hand down to touch her again and that was such a turn-on for me...so sexy. Again - totally mind-blowing. Unreal. It seems we've reached that phase of wanting to explore each other sexually in ways that we haven't done yet -- and both of us were comfortable taking new risks and trying new and different positions and experiences with each other. At one point she told me to lay on my stomach and she kissed and rubbed my back and touched me from behind as I moved my hips in total pleasure. It was fun and sensual, playful and at times somewhat aggressive (yes). It got to be about a little after 3pm and Mariana said, "I really do need to go" (which she had been saying repeatedly but then would continue to kiss and touch me...and start all over again). She took a quick shower because she needed to stop at the hospital in Atlanta to see her uncle - she had just found out that he was admitted and she didn't want to "smell like sex" when she got there. She put her clothes on and gathered up her things. I helped her carry her stuff to her car but then she wanted to go by the coffee shop for a cookie -- so we walked over there. They didn't have any good ones, so we went to the little grocery store and got her a soda and some peanut m&m's. I walked her to her car, we hugged and kissed, and she was off. I was sad to see her go...but felt like it was such a good long weekend together. She waved from her car window and I waved back - I could sense that she was somewhat sad to leave me as well, but we both knew that she had to go. She said, "bye to Argus" as she drove away and I crossed the street back to the condo. She called about an hour later and we talked -- she was so sweet. I feel really positive about her -- really great about where this is headed. She told me before she left, "Now, you aren't going to worry again, right? There is nothing to worry about, right? Is there anything we need to talk about?" I told her that things were good and that I wasn't going to worry. She is very reassuring and tells me quite frequently how much she likes me and wants to continue to see me and I do the same with her.

We have plans for me to travel to see her this Friday and stay until Monday morning when I have to come back and go to work. :) I can't wait to see her again. The new season of Orange Is The New Black comes on this Friday and we plan to marathon watch it and enjoy a nice, easy weekend together. I'm really looking forward to that.


	7. Totally Cheesy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nice, easy weekend spent together...

Friday evening through Monday-early-morning at Mariana's:

I left work (discretely snuck out) at 3pm, got home, got Argus (car was already loaded) and jumped in the car - left by 3:15 and on the road. Got to Mariana's around 4:35 (!) because I got behind fast drivers and went 90+ at certain points. :) I couldn't wait to see her...I love being with her so much. She was home when I arrived...said she'd just gotten home from work - had changed into a t-shirt and shorts. We had decided that we would have a low key evening and just watch some Orange is The New Black and hang out at her place. We hugged, kissed, and settled on the couch for a few minutes -- she said she needed to unwind some from work and I certainly needed to unwind from the fast driving. After not being able to decide on what to have for dinner, we finally agreed to go out. 

We went to a place called PJs, which was at an outdoor mall area nearby. PJs has their own brewery and I had wanted wings, so Mariana picked it. There was a 20 minute wait when we got there, but the bar seats were first come, first served and we immediately found a cute 2-person booth towards the back that was just perfect for us. I was feeling so happy and excited to be there in Atlanta with her -- and going out to eat with her on a Friday night was fun. I know I was smiling a lot -- and Mariana always seems somewhat suspicious of my smiles because she thinks I'm up to something...so half of the time I'm smiling and she gives me a look -- and I have to say "what?" and then she's like, "you seem cheesy or suspicious right now" and I have to explain that I am not. :) It is just hard for me not to smile when I look at her. I have these moments when I look at her and she's not looking or she looks over at me and I'm looking at her already and smiling -- and my heart just swells with joy and love for her. I enjoy her company so much -- her personality, the way she talks and things we laugh at -- the way she holds my hand in the car and kisses it repeatedly fills me with warmth and makes me want to cry happy tears sometimes. She's absolutely adorable to me and I really feel like we are enjoying each other's company equally -- although she's not nearly as sappy as I am (or at least isn't willing to embarrass herself by acting like I do). We had a nice meal at PJs...both got flights of beer and enjoyed those. I got a 2nd beer; she didn't because she was driving. After dinner, we walked around the mall area -- went into one of her favorite stops called "Sugar" where she likes to get mini-gummy bears and we both got some candy. One of her friends, Amy, was singing with her band in the middle of the walk area at the mall. I got to meet her briefly...as they were going on break. We went into a couple of other shops...ran into a friend of hers from college and they chatted. It was fun to see Mariana interact with an old friend. We left and stopped at the store on the way home to buy some popcorn along with milk for my coffee...and other snacks. Then got back to her place. In the car on the way home, Mariana said that she had a bad headache and she took some Aleve for it. We got back and watched OITNB -- one episode (by this time it was getting a little late -- we procrastinated too much) and then decided to go to bed. Her headache was so bad that she wasn't up for sex, so we just cuddled and went to sleep (it was sort of a struggle for me due to anticipation and longing to be close to her, but I made it through okay).

We slept until 7:30 or so the following morning -- then woke up for morning sex, which was awesome, as usual. I so love being intimate with her - she is so gorgeous in the moment - her breathing sounds are so nice to hear and it amazes me how much she gets into it with me -- she's very expressive and I really FEEL so much from her - it feels like a very intense emotional connection and I can't get enough of it. I wish I could take snapshots of her beautiful face and mouth as it moves away from mine and smiles...it is probably one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen -- and again, my heart swells when in those moments with her. We both squeeze each other tightly and move together as one body - I love her touch, her kiss, her mouth on my nipples...which she knows I respond to intensely, so she returns to them again and again...pure ecstasy. Afterwards, we got up and went to Panera for bagels and I got a coffee. We both got chocolate chip sweets (muffin top for her, cookie for me).

We came back and watched another episode of OITNB and hung out for a while at home...laid on the couch together...then decided to go check out the park festival to say hi to her friend Christopher - and then went to this really cool market place where lots of artists sell their art - I loved that. We got a banana pudding popsicle dipped in chocolate and split it. I have trouble not touching her when we are out and about. I always want to hold her hand or her arm...or rub her back. I catch myself stealing looks at her when I can -- and just thinking about how much I like her and smiling...how much I enjoy being with her...and how lucky I am to know her and call her my girlfriend.

Saturday was the best day. After seeing the art, we were going to get something to eat, but couldn't find a place really and I wasn't super hungry. We stopped at another small area where there were some shops and went into a tiny wine shop that was cool...then decided to go home. She had the top down and we drove the scenic route home while listening to music and to avoid the interstate. I love that she likes Jimmy Buffet...it is always playing in her car and it feels like I've known her a long time because of this kinship we have with regard to old music that we both enjoy. We seem to have become pretty comfortable with each other because she has started sweetly teasing me about this or that...and it is cute. I like it a lot. We hung at her house for a little while - I think we watched 1 more episode of OITNB and then decided to go to dinner a little early since we hadn't eaten anything in a while. We went to Farm Burger, which I had wanted to try. It was really tasty. I got a beer and we both had burgers and shared a bucket of fries. After that we'd planned to go downtown to a beer arcade place and then to play putt-putt. We got to the arcade/bar, shopped first in the store and I bought a hat and we got some more candy...and then we went upstairs and both ordered a drink (she likes Gentleman Jack and I got a Hendrick's and tonic) and then played video games. First we played Mario Brothers and we played for a long time on 50 cents...so long that we both just wanted it to end. :) Then we played some pinball machines and a few other games. She ended with Galactica, which stressed her out. I got some of it on video on my phone. She's pretty good at it.

We decided we'd had enough, so we ventured down to where the putt-putt was. The greens were pretty simple...not super challenging, but we played about 10 holes and had a good time. We teased each other - I told her that I was going to keep score and she told me that I better not or she wasn't going to have sex with me that night (she was joking and it was cute). We sat on a bench and I took some cute pictures of us. I also have a really cute picture of her turning around and smiling at me at one of the holes - I've been staring at it since I took it because she's smiling so sweetly at me. We decided to quit the putt-putt after a while and I quickly said that I won, but she didn't hear me. She asked me what I said, and I wouldn't tell her - I said I wouldn't tell her because I was worried about the consequences and she teased me and hounded me until I finally did. Of course, I teased her back saying that it was interesting that her withholding sex was only a punishment for me and not for her. She reassured me, as she has numerous times, saying, "no way, I love being with you. I love sex with you." Which is so sweet and I love to hear it.

After leaving putt-putt, we put the "lid" (as she calls it) down on the car and drove home. We stopped by to see a Journey cover band, but it was $15 cover and it was already getting late, so we decided not to go. When we got home, Mariana had started her period earlier in the day. We went to bed and still cuddled, kissed, and she was sweet to me and touched me as usual but we weren't able to do everything as we normally do...but it was still nice and I still very much enjoyed being with her in that way. I told her about a dream I had the night before - told her that it was not a line at all and that it was totally true - I had this really vivid dream that we were talking and I told her that I loved her and she told me that she loved me back.

We woke up on Sunday (Father's Day) and had until about 10:30 with each other before she needed to leave to go to her parents' house. When we woke up, she asked me, "any more sweet dreams about me?" :) We drank coffee and laid on the couch watching an episode of OITNB. I love watching it with her because we both enjoy it (unlike those in the past who wouldn't watch stuff like that with me). She got dressed and left around 10:30 - I hung out at her place and listened to music, went and got lunch at a gyros place, read my book...and then she was back by 2:30pm. At some point this weekend, she said that we should go by Lowe's and get me a key made for her door...and I said that I would get her one for mine made too. We planned to do that on Sunday after her time at her parents' house for Father's Day, so we went to Lowe's and did that. Then we met Christopher at a brewery for a flight of beer, and then to a Mexican restaurant for dinner. We came home around 7:30 and watched one last episode of OITNB together before going to bed. We cuddled and kissed intensely and Mariana did everything for me that I couldn't do for her. I can't wait until Friday when she comes here and I have her here again for the whole weekend. :) We're planning to go to a brewery on Saturday afternoon and then to a story-telling performance that night.


	8. Managing feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne begins to struggle with managing the intensity of her feelings when comparing the laid-back responses she's getting from Mariana.

So, I'm writing this a little late because I was so busy after she last left...then got ready for our 4th of July weekend together...which just ended this morning. :) I'll write about that in the next little while.

Friday, June 24th, I met a friend to walk that morning. We had a good time catching up on things. I told her about Mariana and she seemed supportive.

I had to work my afternoon schedule, so Mariana worked Friday and then came after work. She had to go by her parents' to pick up some mail and packages. She got to me a little after I arrived home from work at about 6:30-ish. As usual, I was so happy to see her. She lights up a room for me - when she is around, I feel so happy and excited. Her voice, her presence, her laugh and smile...everything about her is beautiful to me.

We had plans to go to a brewery and to meet friends there. They had a bbq food truck so we ate. We had a good time hanging out with friends and had a beer each and some bbq. We left after about an hour and a half and drove to an ice cream truck which was parked close by to get some ice cream. Mariana got a chocolate peanut butter that was like a Klondike bar. :) She liked it. After that, we went home and I think Mariana had a headache that night...but we cuddled.

In the morning, we got up slowly, hung out at the condo a lot. We ended up having morning sex later on...which was very nice (I so love being with her intimately - it is the best). Then we finally got up and got moving. We went to the shopping center nearby and grabbed a bite for lunch. Mariana also wanted to shop for some clothes...I got two shirts and she got some things too. That night we had plans to meet friends for pizza and then to go to a storytelling event at 7:30pm. We came home from shopping and got ready. We went for pizza and I realized I had forgotten my phone at home and my friend had asked me to text her to let her know if we were able to get a table. I was freaking out a little bit, so I asked Mariana for her phone -- and the only thing I knew to do (I didn't know her number!) was to ask my ex to text my friend for me to let her know that I had a table for us at the restaurant. My ex answered (even though she did not know who was calling) and I asked her -- and she did it. My friends arrived a short time later for dinner...they were both a little freaked out to have gotten a text from my ex...but oh well...didn't have any choice, really. And some people don't have that kind of relationship with their ex, but I do. After 10 years together, she will always be like family to me. Mariana seems to understand and accept this without issue - which I deeply admire and appreciate.

We went to the storytelling event and the first couple of stories were really heavy and intense. The 3rd one was also intense but really good - about a preacher/sex addict and his story of redemption. The 4th one was a local tv news announcer and she had us in stitches - great storyteller! We both really loved her story and it seemed to sell Mariana on the storytelling thing. It was really nice to be with someone who enjoyed what I enjoyed and didn't make it seem like a burden to be out with me. It is so refreshing! :) I'm still always experiencing these surges of feelings for Mariana whenever I look at her too long. When she holds my hand and kisses it gently in the car it makes me crazy. How is it that I'm so drawn-in so fast? I'm definitely struggling to manage the feelings when we are apart as well. It is really tough for me because I don't hear from her during the day (except occasionally via text) and when I do it is very brief and lacking in any real detail. Then she waits until pretty late to call and we only have a short time to talk and don't always seem to have too much to say to each other...but we're working on it. I've let her know that I need her to communicate more... I do feel very needy in that area compared to her. She seems to do fine with little-to-no contact (what does that mean?) throughout the day and into the evening. ?

After storytelling we went back home and pretty much went to bed. Sunday we woke up, I made eggs and bacon and we had our coffee and hung out leisurely. We decided to go to Lowe's for me to return a key that didn't work and then to the Nike Store - and to do some other shopping. It was fun to be out and about with her. I bought a t-shirt and some Nike running shirts. Mariana shopped some and bought tons of underwear from the Jockey store. Later on we went to the Food Truck gathering at the baseball field, which was fun. Mariana rode on the back of my scooter with me - so sweet! On the way home, I was driving really fast and almost ran a red light with her on the back. It freaked her out, but we laughed about it. She also teased me for almost "cutting her head off" when we were coming out of my garage because I was rushing up to the door to get it to stop closing. We still giggle about that. 

Mariana was sweet enough to spend the night on Sunday night and get up early Monday to head back to work. However, when she got to work, she realized that she had requested the day off (because her coworkers were surprised to see her and had already divided up the patients between them). She decided to leave and go home. So, she didn't even have to get up and leave in the first place! Ugh! She also found out the next day that she took the entire week off! So, later she got online and bought baseball tickets and decided to come see me Thursday instead of Friday and take me to a baseball game. More later!


	9. Fireworks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mariana and Anne get hot and bothered, but not in the way you might think.

Mariana arrived around 3:37 on Thursday, June 30th for our evening baseball game. I had scheduled to work only half a day on Friday, July 1st before we were to head to Atlanta, so it was kind of the beginning of a long weekend for us. Thursday I left work around the time that I got her text saying she was here, so I got there only a few minutes after she had arrived. She was laying on my bed when I walked in the door. I was a little upset because we had not been talking much and it was bothering me. The night before, I had been upset re: some stuff that had come up with Mom (her memory issues) and Mariana got off of the phone very quickly with me and I felt it was a little insensitive. She could tell that I was not super happy when I came in the door of the condo and started asking me about it. We talked some and quickly made up because she was very sweet and apologetic about it. We ended up taking the scooter to a diner for dinner and then drove on to the ball game after that. Dinner was good - Mariana had the mac n' cheese with pork on it and I had an heirloom tomato salad with grilled shrimp and some fried okra. Yummy. We both had beer at the game - our team was winning initially, but then ended up losing, so we left at around the 7th inning. I drove her on the back of my scooter and she put her arms around me, which made me melt. She was super sweet on the scooter - snuggled up with me a few times and that made me feel great. I stopped and we got her a diet coke fountain drink on the way home. She had a headache and did not want to have sex, but after my mild protests she decided she would just please me but did not want me to touch her because of her headache.

Friday, July 1st - I worked until 11:15 or so...got home and she wasn't there. Some of her texts had not come through and she was out shopping. I finally called her and told her that I was about to pack Argus up in the car and start heading to Atlanta when she said that she was on her way back and would I like to grab lunch somewhere? So, we ate at a Cuban place for lunch - which was yummy. Afterwards, we decided to go get some pastries from a bakery (she had never had these tiny cakes before) to bring to dinner at her sister-in-law and brother's house...where we were going for dinner that night. I was excited to finally get to meet some of her family. We got the treats and ended up heading to Atlanta. I followed her in her car, singing along to songs from my itouch along the way. I was so excited about the next few days ahead - I could hardly contain my excitement. I'm on such a high with her during these weekends together - it is like nothing can bring me down...and then they are over and it is sad and somewhat depressing...until the next weekend comes again.

We got to Atlanta and decided to go for a 3 mile run around 3pm...it was HOT. I almost died from the heat -- but she loves it for some reason. Then we showered and I washed my hair again...we drove by her parents house first and I got to meet them briefly (!) and then we went to her brother and sister-in-law's and I got to meet them along with her niece and nephew. I instantly noticed that Mariana is the perfect mix of her dad and her mom. She has her dad's laid back attitude and her mom's sweet concern for others. She also looks like a mix of both of them. We got to her brother's and her sister-in-law made hamburgers on the grill, potato chips, and baked beans. I enjoyed meeting them and getting to know them. I talked with her brother about his military service and we were able to share some stories. I can tell that he's funny - a good sense of humor like Mariana. I liked them both a lot and of course I loved meeting her niece and nephew too - they seem like great kids. Her niece sort of warmed up to me and she pulled me in the back room to show me the pokemon character she'd made out of cardboard boxes. She's super creative and a sweet girl. Mariana's sister-in-law said something about the July 4th party that Mariana's parents were hosting on Monday - Mariana had not confirmed with me that I was going to be able to go (I had told her to think about it because meeting her parents would be a big step)...but then during the conversation, her sister-in-law or Mariana herself (I can't remember who) said something about us being there and I said, "oh, I wasn't sure I was going" and they both confirmed that I was going...so that made me happy.

We left dinner and drove home with the top down. It was a nice night and I was loving being with Mariana. We got home and watched an episode of OITNB...which was a dark, dreary episode and it disturbed both of us. We were both tired, so we went to bed after that. Mariana had looked into some of the mindfulness apps and we played one as we went to sleep -- and woke up on Saturday saying how great our sleep was. We stayed in bed until about 9am or so...then got up and went to try to find breakfast food trucks downtown. We didn't end up finding any good ones, so we went to a place nearby for breakfast. We both had breakfast tacos and they were yummy. I got a latte and some cheese grits too. :) After that, we went by the grocery store and got some things we needed...relaxed a little...and then went out shopping. We went around to various antique stores and looked around, which was fun. We also went around looking for a corn hole game for the party at her parents' house on July 4th. I bought some Chaco's shoes and some shorts at an outdoors store there. Got home, went running again (3 mi) - I got really hot again. We took a dip in the pool together, which was nice. Mostly relaxed around the house a little bit, then got dressed and went downtown for pizza and gelato. We walked around a little bit downtown and I bought some pants that were cute. When we got home, it was almost bed time and we went straight to bed. I was longing to be with her, touch her, feel her touch...it was another awesome night together. She is a great lover - in every way...very attentive to what I need and also very expressive herself. I love the noises she makes and the sweet things she says to me. She calls me "cutie" sometimes while we are in bed, which is so sweet.

Sunday - a slow morning, slept in. Eventually got up and had our coffee and hung out at home a little bit. Watched another episode of OITNB and Mariana introduced me to a new show called The Goldbergs which is an 80s show and is hilarious. We went to Chipotle for lunch and stuffed ourselves, then more shopping. We went to a sporting goods store and Mariana ended up buying a corn hole set for the party the next day. We bought some brownies at Publix and I made them that night...they were yummy and Mariana ended up having more than one. :) We ate popcorn and watched the final episode of OITNB, which was good. We went to bed - both very tired.

Monday - we got up and pretty much had to start getting ready to go to her parents' house because she told her mom that we'd be there by 9:30 to start helping set up. Well, we ended up being later than that due to procrastination. We did not get out of bed until after 8am and I had to shower and get ready. She wore a feminine blue top with khaki shorts, which was really cute on her. She also put on some make up, which looks great on her. I remember looking at her and thinking about how pretty she looked. Throughout the day I would catch myself looking at her and thinking about how much I like her and how beautiful she is to me. We had to stop by a drug store because I needed tampons due to starting my period late the evening before. I wore my red sparkly shirt I got from Loft and my new shorts and Chacos. We got to her parents' house, started helping set some stuff up, set up the games and helped put out some of the food. Then people started arriving. It was pretty hot and shade was somewhat sparse, but there was a nice wind, so it kind of helped it not be unbearably hot. I got to meet numerous aunts and their spouses, cousins galore, and other relatives/friends of the family. There were quite a few people there. We played corn hole and then later played wiffle ball - dividing up into teams. I was on her niece's team and Mariana was on her nephew's team. I was up to bat and I hit a ball and it went straight to her nephew, who caught it in the air. We were teasing each other throughout the day. He has a fun sense of humor, like Mariana and his dad. We stayed at her parents' house from 10am until about 6pm. A long day! I was hot and tired and it was a little challenging for me at times because I didn't know anyone, really - and I mostly sat quietly and listened to everyone else talk. After many hours of this, I kind of got tired of it...but then as we were beginning to get ready to go, Mariana's cousin and her husband were hanging out in the kitchen with Mariana's parents. We went in and started talking with them all. It turns out that the cousin and her husband lived in a small town in FL for several years while he was working for a company called DRS. I spent my early years in this same town. They know the area well, so we had that in common. They have also traveled a good bit, so the cousin and I talked about various countries and experiences. I enjoyed it. Mariana's parents joined in for some of the conversation too. Her mom is very sweet...I like her a lot. The cousin and her husband were leaving, so Mariana's parents walked them out after we all said goodbye. Mariana and I were standing in the kitchen while I washed the bowl that I had brought of Mariana's because I made grape salad (Mariana only ate 2 grapes!) and Mariana mentioned that she hated so much that I had to leave tomorrow...either she or I mentioned that I could call in sick and she said, "really, could you do that?" And I said, "oh, don't tempt me!" She again said, "would you really?" And I said, "of course I would." So, we decided right then that I would stay another day and would call in sick. :) We drove home from her parents' house and talked about the day; I needed clarification re: who various family members were. We got home and it was still light outside...we hung out a little. We got in the pool for a little bit to cool off/rinse off a little bit. Then later took showers and watched some more episodes of The Goldbergs. I ended up getting hungry, so we drove to a taco place and I got some tacos -- Heather got a Mexican pizza and a soda. We got back and ate...then threw on some clothes again and went out for a brief drive to see some of the fireworks. She parked the car at a location where we could see some of the fireworks that were happening at a big park. Then we drove to see where a new brewery was located that is closer to her apartment. We got home and went to bed. I wanted to be with her...but she said that she just wanted to relax and read together. She said that she wanted to experience what it might be like if we lived together -- just to relax and read before bed. I thought that was sweet...and I couldn't argue with it. We did a mindfulness exercise again. It started raining pretty hard...which was kind of nice to go to sleep to.

Tuesday I called in sick to work. We spent most of the day in our pjs hanging out at her apartment. We watched episodes of The Goldbergs and talked, napped, snacked. Mariana looked up jobs on USA Jobs and Indeed. She mentioned a job at a hospital near me and we very vaguely talked about her finding a new job and moving. I told her that the job would come with really good benefits because it was a university hospital and she seemed interested. That would be so nice. Mariana napped on the couch with me while laying in my arms, which was sweet. I loved holding her and hearing her breathing. I shared with her how much I like her and how crazy it is to me that someone would just throw her away and not cherish her. I told her that I was looking at her and thinking about how beautiful she looked at her parents' party...and how grateful I was to have met her.

We got hungry a little around 1pm and decided to go out to get something to eat. I also needed to get Argus some dog food because I didn't bring enough due to the extra day. We had to go to several places to find it. We went to a really good place for lunch -- a bar and grill that had good prices and the food was really yummy. I want to go back there. We got back home and got relaxed again. At one point, we had watched several episodes of The Goldbergs and Mariana put the tv on pause. She was checking her facebook and I was just sitting there. This happens quite frequently. She asked me what I wanted to do and I said, "not this" because I had already been sitting there for about 20 minutes watching her check her facebook. I thought it was pretty rude. She continued to check her facebook...and then she started talking about Hilary Clinton and how she's not being prosecuted for the Benghazi scandal and the email scandal. We had a mildly heated political discussion during which I challenged her news sources (which to me appeared to be facebook and biased news articles posted by friends who are conservative). After a while, we agreed to stop talking about it and I sat there again as she went on checking facebook. Finally, I got really frustrated and got up from the couch and went into the bedroom to put on running clothes and take Argus for a walk. I came out and put Argus' leash on and she said, "what are you doing?" I said, "well, I thought I'd take Argus for a walk and that way it would give you more time to check your facebook." She saw that I was upset. She said, "are you mad?" and we exchanged words back and forth about it a little bit. It hurt my feelings that we had only a limited amount of time left for our visit together and this was how she wanted to spend it. I also just thought it was inconsiderate of her to do that while I just sat there and watched her - kind of like someone talking on the phone to someone else while you are in the room and intentionally placing the call. So, I took Argus out for a brief walk and came back. She was standing in the kitchen when I walked in and we both just sort of smiled at each other. She walked over and hugged me and apologized. I was still feeling sensitive about it -- and mainly just sad and a little anxious that we had our first argument. Several times she said, "do you want to break up with me?" which she said in sort of a kidding way...but also was a little bit serious. I told her no way and we talked about it. She asked me, "do you think you can handle this about me (various things)?" We talked about some of our differences and potential challenges with the relationship. I maintained that I did not think there was anything we could not handle - I don't see these things as major issues. It was about 6pm and we decided to take a run (3 miles) and then we walked 1.5 miles. We talked while we ran/walked and both apologized again for the argument. I shared with her about my ex and her addiction to her phone and how that negatively impacted our relationship...so I think she understood better. I also apologized for being sensitive and for getting frustrated and angry and not communicating my feelings in the best way. She said that she understood and we both agreed that there will be times when we get on each other's nerves and that this is okay. After the run, we took showers, watched some more tv and then went to bed and had talked about having sex...so I was really ready -- it had been almost 3 whole days (All day Sunday, Monday, and all day Tuesday until now). It was intense -- as it usually is when we start kissing and rubbing each other. I wanted to go slow and make it last because it feels SO good to be with her. I LOVE kissing her -- she's a great kisser and just an amazing lover, in general. Mariana wanted to touch me but I had started my period. She was only able to touch me over my underwear, which seemed to drive her crazy (and me too, of course). She said many times how much she wanted to go for it but knew that she couldn't and it was hard for her to not be able to do so. I told her that was nice to hear. I was able to touch her...and she explained that she wasn't as turned on because she hadn't been able to touch me and that is usually what turns her on so much. I didn't notice a difference -- and it felt awesome to be able to touch her. She asked what she could do for me - which I loved - and I was still able to climax with my underwear on and her on top of me. Afterwards, we cuddled and kissed...and held each other. We fell asleep facing each other and holding each other. I hated the thought of having to get up and leave in the morning...but that is what I had to do. I woke at around 5:15 and got up, rinsed off in the shower, got dressed, fixed my hair and make up...and was out the door by 5:45. Mariana also got up and got ready for work. She walked Argus for me, which was very sweet of her, and she left for work at the same time I left. We followed each other until I got to the turn off to get to the highway and I watched her drive off in the opposite direction.

So now we only have Wednesday and Thursday to get through...and she comes on Friday. I work the 2:30pm shift again and then we will have the weekend together here. The following weekend I have military duty and she says she is going to come here and hang out while I am on duty...I wonder if she will...but maybe she will. I would still love to see her and be able to hang out together as much as we possibly could. I want her to move here. I want to tell her I love her. I want us to be together - in the back of my mind, I'm thinking about marriage. I know it is all way too soon to be thinking of these things...but I can't help it. So far, I've seen nothing but good things from her - healthy communication, healthy relationships with her family, decent financial life (although we need to see about her retirement plans - they could use some real work), and she seems healthy in most other ways. I'm highly encouraged so far and the relationship seems to proceed with ease. On July 5th, we had been "talking" for 2 months...on the 13th will be our official 2 month mark (if we are counting that as our first date). It feels like much longer to me...just because we've seen so much of each other. Maybe we are moving too fast? Maybe we are being typical lesbians? Maybe we just like each other that much? I don't know...but I do really like it and don't want it to end or slow down at all.


	10. Don't back off. Don't be distant.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne begins to wonder if she needs to slow things down a bit.

Mariana arrived around 6:30 on Friday 7/8/16 - I was still at work, but finishing up my 2:30pm shift. We hadn't talked or texted much on Friday. I was sort of upset with her for not texting or talking much…as usual. The night before, she had said that she was feeling a little depressed and she needed to just shower and go to bed, so she asked could she just text me before going to bed. It was a brief conversation and I didn't feel good about it — and wanted to talk more about why she was depressed and what might be bothering her…but didn't have the opportunity…so that sort of upset me. Then there wasn't much texting on Friday…and then she was here. When she arrived, her code to the door did not work because they had changed the codes and she did not yet have her fob…so she couldn't get in. She texted and said that she was going to the restaurant on the corner and would wait for me there. I told her that I was planning on cooking, so not to eat. When I got to the restaurant, she was sitting at the bar with a Dos Equis. She had just texted me, "are you mad at me?" I was a bit distant, but we talked for a few minutes as she finished her beer. We came back to the condo and she was very affectionate, but I think it might have been because she sensed some distance from me. She brought it up and we talked about it some. She said that she had felt a little down, but felt better after her shower. I told her that I did not understand why we couldn't have talked before she went to bed and she said that we could have…but I didn't know that. I told her that I felt I might need to back off some in order to reel myself in a little…that I felt like I was putting a lot of myself out there and did not always feel like it was reciprocated and that maybe I needed to slow things down a bit because we had been moving at a fast pace since our first date. She was somewhat quiet about this, but did continue to bring it up later and kept saying, "don't back off. don't be distant." I cooked Thai food when we got back to the condo, but she didn't like it. She doesn't like coconut milk in things…so she only ate the rice and the chicken out of it. Then we texted two of my friends and met them for ice cream at this great ice cream spot. That was fun. We came back to the condo after and went to bed. She was tired and I was still somewhat distant and was convincing myself that I wasn't going to push her for sex and that this meant that I also did not need to be overly affectionate with her to keep from getting turned on and wanting something that I couldn't have (which happens and makes things difficult for me).

The next morning we got up leisurely and took the scooter to the farmer's market. She was very sweet and affectionate on the scooter. I love riding with her because she puts her arms around me…and she trusts me so much on the scooter. It is fun being able to share that with her. We went to the coffee shop and I got a crepe and a latte…she got a biscuit and a coffee and some "southern pecan" roasted beans for the condo. We walked around the market for a while…she bought a necklace with a cross on it and one with a VW bug bus on it — both were cute. She bought her mom a nativity scene that was carved out of small wood pieces and was only $15…a bargain. Then we rode the scooter to an eclectic shop with some retro stuff that I wanted her to see. They had some cool stuff and we both liked the store. Then we drove around the park area and I showed her my old condo…then to a fun little art studio…and then came by this cool thrift store we'd been wanting to visit - so we could finally go in there and look. After that we went by a place with really odd collectible stuff (like animal skulls and bugs in jars - do people really buy this stuff?) so she could see how weird it is…then came back to the condo. Two of her friends who live in the area texted and asked if we wanted to meet up at the brewery for a beer, so we showered and went to meet them around 4. We had a good time with them and stayed for two beers and shared some BBQ nachos from the BBQ food truck that was there. I really enjoyed meeting the two of them. After that we went back to the condo and hung out…watched some tv…then bed and the usual amazing sex…and there went my distancing myself…but that had pretty much ended after our time together on the scooter…she broke down my resolve with her sweetness and affection. 

The next morning, the same friends had texted and asked us to meet them for brunch at a new biscuit place…which we did. We stayed there for a couple of hours with them chatting and eating. They shared their story of meeting on match and moving in together 3 months later. Mariana shared with them that she is getting her resume updated and is starting to look at applying for jobs here. We discussed this at some point Friday or Saturday and she started looking online. I love the idea of being able to see her every day.

After brunch, we went to a few outdoors stores because Mariana was looking for a Chacos watch band and none of the various stores had the right color. We finally found one that was the right color but the wrong size, so she had it ordered and shipped. We came back to the condo and laid down for a little while. She took a nap on me on the couch and then we moved into the bedroom to lay on the bed and nap. We cuddled for a couple of hours and it was really nice. I enjoyed just holding her and hearing her breathing. She is so sweet and when I held her I would squeeze her tight at times. While on the couch, I traced words on her back and told her to guess what I was saying. I traced "I" and then a heart and then a "U". I had to do it twice, but she got it. She said, "Aw, I heart you too" but that's as far as we went with it. 

After napping for a while, I decided we needed to get out and do something so I suggested that we go for a run at the trail and then grab a burger at a burger place I'd been wanting to try. We ran 4 miles at the trail and then I drove her around to show her the rest of the trail and where it leads…and showed her the surrounding area too before we turned around and went to eat. We got burgers and then got a beer each. The burgers were very yummy and we agreed that we want to go back to that place. While we were there, it rained really hard outside, but it slowed as we were leaving. Mariana told me that she needed to leave by 7 and it was about 5pm already…so I wanted to get us home to have time with each other before she had to go. We got home and I didn't want her to leave…but she started packing up her stuff. I wanted to have sex again before she left, but knew she wasn't having it…so I had to settle for some minimal cuddling and then before I knew it our time was up and she was out the door. I walked her to her car and got in so we could kiss goodbye. We kissed and then she left. It was not as bad this time though because I knew I'd see her the following Tuesday night in Atlanta because I was driving up there to attend a storytelling event with her and then spend the night and come back to Athens the next morning. 

It was a good weekend together…the talk of her possibly moving to Athens was the best part.


	11. Don't back off. Don't be distant.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne begins to wonder if she needs to slow things down a bit.

Mariana arrived around 6:30 on Friday 7/8/16 - I was still at work, but finishing up my 2:30pm shift. We hadn't talked or texted much on Friday. I was sort of upset with her for not texting or talking much…as usual. The night before, she had said that she was feeling a little depressed and she needed to just shower and go to bed, so she asked could she just text me before going to bed. It was a brief conversation and I didn't feel good about it — and wanted to talk more about why she was depressed and what might be bothering her…but didn't have the opportunity…so that sort of upset me. Then there wasn't much texting on Friday…and then she was here. When she arrived, her code to the door did not work because they had changed the codes and she did not yet have her fob…so she couldn't get in. She texted and said that she was going to the restaurant on the corner and would wait for me there. I told her that I was planning on cooking, so not to eat. When I got to the restaurant, she was sitting at the bar with a Dos Equis. She had just texted me, "are you mad at me?" I was a bit distant, but we talked for a few minutes as she finished her beer. We came back to the condo and she was very affectionate, but I think it might have been because she sensed some distance from me. She brought it up and we talked about it some. She said that she had felt a little down, but felt better after her shower. I told her that I did not understand why we couldn't have talked before she went to bed and she said that we could have…but I didn't know that. I told her that I felt I might need to back off some in order to reel myself in a little…that I felt like I was putting a lot of myself out there and did not always feel like it was reciprocated and that maybe I needed to slow things down a bit because we had been moving at a fast pace since our first date. She was somewhat quiet about this, but did continue to bring it up later and kept saying, "don't back off. don't be distant." I cooked Thai food when we got back to the condo, but she didn't like it. She doesn't like coconut milk in things…so she only ate the rice and the chicken out of it. Then we texted two of my friends and met them for ice cream at this great ice cream spot. That was fun. We came back to the condo after and went to bed. She was tired and I was still somewhat distant and was convincing myself that I wasn't going to push her for sex and that this meant that I also did not need to be overly affectionate with her to keep from getting turned on and wanting something that I couldn't have (which happens and makes things difficult for me).

The next morning we got up leisurely and took the scooter to the farmer's market. She was very sweet and affectionate on the scooter. I love riding with her because she puts her arms around me…and she trusts me so much on the scooter. It is fun being able to share that with her. We went to the coffee shop and I got a crepe and a latte…she got a biscuit and a coffee and some "southern pecan" roasted beans for the condo. We walked around the market for a while…she bought a necklace with a cross on it and one with a VW bug bus on it — both were cute. She bought her mom a nativity scene that was carved out of small wood pieces and was only $15…a bargain. Then we rode the scooter to an eclectic shop with some retro stuff that I wanted her to see. They had some cool stuff and we both liked the store. Then we drove around the park area and I showed her my old condo…then to a fun little art studio…and then came by this cool thrift store we'd been wanting to visit - so we could finally go in there and look. After that we went by a place with really odd collectible stuff (like animal skulls and bugs in jars - do people really buy this stuff?) so she could see how weird it is…then came back to the condo. Two of her friends who live in the area texted and asked if we wanted to meet up at the brewery for a beer, so we showered and went to meet them around 4. We had a good time with them and stayed for two beers and shared some BBQ nachos from the BBQ food truck that was there. I really enjoyed meeting the two of them. After that we went back to the condo and hung out…watched some tv…then bed and the usual amazing sex…and there went my distancing myself…but that had pretty much ended after our time together on the scooter…she broke down my resolve with her sweetness and affection. 

The next morning, the same friends had texted and asked us to meet them for brunch at a new biscuit place…which we did. We stayed there for a couple of hours with them chatting and eating. They shared their story of meeting on match and moving in together 3 months later. Mariana shared with them that she is getting her resume updated and is starting to look at applying for jobs here. We discussed this at some point Friday or Saturday and she started looking online. I love the idea of being able to see her every day.

After brunch, we went to a few outdoors stores because Mariana was looking for a Chacos watch band and none of the various stores had the right color. We finally found one that was the right color but the wrong size, so she had it ordered and shipped. We came back to the condo and laid down for a little while. She took a nap on me on the couch and then we moved into the bedroom to lay on the bed and nap. We cuddled for a couple of hours and it was really nice. I enjoyed just holding her and hearing her breathing. She is so sweet and when I held her I would squeeze her tight at times. While on the couch, I traced words on her back and told her to guess what I was saying. I traced "I" and then a heart and then a "U". I had to do it twice, but she got it. She said, "Aw, I heart you too" but that's as far as we went with it. 

After napping for a while, I decided we needed to get out and do something so I suggested that we go for a run at the trail and then grab a burger at a burger place I'd been wanting to try. We ran 4 miles at the trail and then I drove her around to show her the rest of the trail and where it leads…and showed her the surrounding area too before we turned around and went to eat. We got burgers and then got a beer each. The burgers were very yummy and we agreed that we want to go back to that place. While we were there, it rained really hard outside, but it slowed as we were leaving. Mariana told me that she needed to leave by 7 and it was about 5pm already…so I wanted to get us home to have time with each other before she had to go. We got home and I didn't want her to leave…but she started packing up her stuff. I wanted to have sex again before she left, but knew she wasn't having it…so I had to settle for some minimal cuddling and then before I knew it our time was up and she was out the door. I walked her to her car and got in so we could kiss goodbye. We kissed and then she left. It was not as bad this time though because I knew I'd see her the following Tuesday night in Atlanta because I was driving up there to attend a storytelling event with her and then spend the night and come back to Athens the next morning. 

It was a good weekend together…the talk of her possibly moving to Athens was the best part.


End file.
